After years of living a promiscuous homosexual lifestyle. My turning point started at the beautiful Bedarra Inn, on the Coral Coast of Fiji. After leaving high school, I spent two years doing 'Hospitality and Tourism Studies'. I couldn't find work after graduating so I hit the streets trying out a bit of everything including prostitution.
It was fun so I thought back then, but deep within me, an unexplained yearning was there. I longed to live right. My spirit was willing but my body wasn’t helping at all. I had moved down to Coral Coast from my home, in search of work. I stayed over at an aunt's place and our new neighbour happened to be a long serving staff member at this beautiful Inn. So she introduced me to the owner, a nice Australian lady and a week later I found myself serving tourists from all over the world.
I had this thought back then 'I'll look out for an opportunity in meeting some filthy-rich white man who will take me away to a faraway land, then I'll undergo a sex change, then return to Fiji as a beautiful woman. This will solve all problems'. I had this plan at heart but God said in his word 'Many are the plans in a man's heart but it’s the Lord's purpose that prevails'. (Prov 19:21)
I met this businessman from New Zealand and never told anyone about it because mum's was always telling us about Jesus and I was always rolling my eyes as if to say 'yeah yeah...please stop it'. And this guy well, he was old enough to be my dad, and he wanted to take me to Hawaii that Christmas. I was all bubbly and excited. ‘Yessssss!’ My dream of becoming Fiji's First Transsexual was coming to pass. But God has his own timetable of coming through in people's lives.
My life was spiralling downward, I partied, I smoked marijuana every day because that was the only thing that kept me going, I had to smoke it before I started another day at work. I met all kinds of people from all walks of life from all over the world and they seem to agree with the life I was living. Some would say, "Honey, it’s okay to be gay, you're born that way, so live it up” or, "wow, you're such an amazing woman”, etc.
The praises and the approval of men kept me on a pedestal that meant I saw no reason to straighten my life out because everyone else was saying it’s alright, so I figured, it must be alright then. I was living my life according to the perception of others. I was living for others. I was living to please others.
I can't even remember the last time I attended church. Now since I was away from my religious parents, I cared less about God. All the money I was getting, was spent on make-up, drugs, alcohol and sex. I was avoiding Christians because I didn’t want to be reminded of my sins. I remembered an incident when this gentleman mentioned something about my homosexuality and how God hates it. I cussed him like there was no tomorrow, so much so, that he had to walk away because I was making a scene there.
I was advocating prostitution and would take my stand when the cops would chase all the male prostitutes away at times yelling back 'It's legal, you can't chase us from here!' But in the midst of all that was happening around me, a distant voice was screaming from within me. I wanted out, but I didn't know how.
In Dec 2001, a week before Christmas I was working in the bar, it was almost 12pm. I was a bit excited because I was having a break in my shift this day. But that was the only thing I could recall on that day. Whatever happened within the next few hours, I still don't know till this day. It was like I awoke from this sleep, looked around and found myself in the Sigatoka Police Cell, still in a blood drenched uniform, my right hand was all wrapped up in white bandages.
I panicked, looked around and started calling out to the officer in duty. I asked 'What happened? Why am I here?' By then tears were coming streaking down my cheeks. What he told me unfolded the events prior to my lock up and I still can't believe I did all those things. A workmate later told me "You know, there was something in you. Like you were possessed because you were wrecking everything around you. You pointed a finger at the manager, you wrecked the louvre blades at your place, and even the nurses tending to your wounds couldn't hold you together because you were shaking all over the place. I think there was a demon in you”
Anyway, to cut a long story short! Mum heard about the incident, she came to take me away. The first thing she said was, "Now you understand why I've been telling all my kids, never to forsake the Good Lord. This is what happened when you did”. As we sat in the bus, preparing to depart, a thousand thoughts came to mind. And in my heart I started to pray, like seriously pray..."Dear Lord, this is my life. I've been running away for sooooooooooooo long. Well this is the end of ME. Take my life and do what you want in me”. I just said those few words and wasn't even sure whether God would ever take notice of the prayer of a prodigal child.
That prayer, as I looked back was not overlooked by God. He honoured that simple prayer of faith. And that prayer has brought me all the way. As I look back to that day all I can say is surely 'God works in mysterious ways'. God knew that if that was what it takes to turn my life around, he permitted that to happen for my own good. As the Bible says 'In everything give thanks, for it is the will of God in Christ for you'. (1 Thess 5:18)