Jesus Met the Deepest Longings of My Soul
I was born in 1950 and raised as a Christian and attended Church and Sunday school. As both my Grandparents were "Ministers" of the Word, from early childhood I knew the Scriptures well and wanted to know the meaning of life.
Yet my father was a dominating person who caused a lot of hardship both to my mother, my brothers and sisters, but especially to me as the eldest son.
Then at age 5, I was sent to a relative’s house to study in a Public school in Delhi so as a child I did not experience the love of my parents.
By the time I grew up to my teens, I had been homosexually abused several times by men. I felt "filthy” and "used” inside. At the age of 13, I started to masturbate after accidentally reading an adult sex book.
I masturbated several times a day with fantasies from seeing pornographic books and pictures and it left me physically drained, feeling very guilty and with poor self-esteem.
I was committed to doing evil and sex was the most compelling force in my world. The more I got involved with it the more frustrated I became (like chasing a mirage). I thought Jesus was a killjoy and He did not want me to enjoy life.
As well I lacked confidence and avoided eye contact with girls so this led me into voyeurism.
So the next problem was that I started going to red-light areas and experimenting with prostitutes. This became a terrible addiction. After several sexual experiences with prostitutes I was left with chronic gonorrhoea. However, no one knew as I treated myself with massive dozes of Penicillin.
Amidst all this sin, God was still trying to reach me. Amazingly at age 23 I became a Christian.. Yet my sinful life continued.
When I was about 28, I got into an adulterous relationship with a female relative which I knew was wrong. It seemed that the Lord allowed "a legion of demons” to take over my mind and I was tormented for months and years. I was in a city, away from home with no job no money and no friends. Life was hell and for seven years I resisted God’s love.
In desperation I went to magicians, hypnotherapists and psychiatrists to find relief but they did not understand what I was going through. A psychiatrist told me I had a total psychosis of the mind and needed to stay in an Institution for the rest of my life. He allowed me to undergo Electro Convulsion Therapy (shock treatment). This only complicated matters. Later, while on an official trip as my job involved travelling, I got off a bus, climbed onto a railway bridge and jumped down about 40 feet, to a dry stream below. I fell on my left heel and broke my ankle. It was as if Satan was trying to destroy me.
Finally, after seven years of resisting God I cried out to the Lord Jesus to give me just ‘one more chance’ to heal my mind and save my life. I promised Him that I would obey Him and turn from all my wicked ways. The Lord Jesus heard my cry and slowly and surely the healing, spread over many years, came. I felt the presence of evil leaving me as daily I kept closely following the Lord Jesus and reading the Bible
Jesus changed my life as He pulled me out of a horrible pit, and put my feet upon a rock. He gave me a new song as He changed my attitudes and my immoral sexual behaviour. I was able to get a job, got married at 35 to a wonderful person and my lovely daughter and a son are now in their teens!I have everything the world calls a success – a home, a car and respect in society where I had been an outcast earlier. Yet it is only Jesus who met the deepest longings of my soul.
My work is now in an organization, counselling people. I can give insights from all the mistakes of my past life to bring meaning, joy and transformation in their lives. God uses everything for good.
Now, I know that true pleasure can only be found in Jesus as in Psalms 16:11 it says, " In His presence there is fullness of Joy and on His right hand are pleasures for evermore”.
Do you believe this? Find out for yourself!